Monday, June 3, 2013

Summer Storms

I guess it's something we all have our way of deciding.

For some, Memorial Day weekend marks the beginning of summer. For others they wait until the calendar to make it official. And still others hold out for that first 90 degree day to announce the arrival of summer.

Mine is a little different, and multifaceted.

For me, summer hasn't begun until certain requirements have occurred.

The first of which, is that initial time you stop at a red light, only to find that somehow the air around you is hotter when you're standing still than when you are actually running. The second step is the first time your iPod begins malfunctions due to sweat.

And third, you may only be able to appreciate if you are a Colameco. But long story short, it involves my father, Channel 6's weather report, a lot of shirt flapping, and a long tirade, heavy on the expletives.

But if you ask me, one of the underrated qualities of summer are it's fast moving storms. Storms that, on any night, can turn a miserably, humid run into a refreshing downpour. Then just as quickly turn said refreshing downpour into a mad dash home to avoid thunder, and the pain of little pellets of hail being shot at you like BB gun.

So in honor of these storms, here are a series of quick moving storms, or thoughts currently making their way through the jet stream of my mind.

- I swear the people who design dress shirts for men, purposefully add as many little sizing stickers as they can, hoping to make you look like an asshole when you wear it for the first time and forget to take one off... Good God, why do I need 16 stickers telling me it's a 14 1/2 inch neckline.

- I don't know why, but I feel more guilty when I litter than when I do anything else.

- Commitment implies sacrifice... it also implies the ends are worth it.

- Lady- "Can you please have one of the lifeguards skim the pool?!?! There are leaves everywhere, and I just know my son is going to put one in his mouth. I have to ask for this every year..."
What I said- "Yes, I'll get one now."
What I should have said- "Really, every year? Here's an idea... why don't you teach your kid to stop eating leaves!"

- What gets you in the door is far less important than what keeps you there.

- I wish I was half as good at planning today, as I am planning for tomorrow.

- Is there any distance that feels longer than 12 feet from your bed to the sink when you need a drink in the middle of the night.

- A running expert recently told me to drink coconut water... I told him he wasn't an expert.

- If you don't know what color Ms. Lippy's car is... I'm not sure if I can be your friend.

- No, seriously... Grey's Anatomy is still on TV?

- Student- I don't know how to do it.
Me- You have to use the factorial button.
Student- Why?
Me- Cause that's how you find the right answer.
Student- You gotta risk it, to get the biscuit.

- Knowing when not to give advice is sometimes just as important as knowing what advice to give.

- I think I'd be friends with me... took a couple years to be able to say that.

- Nothing is as universally adhered to as the rules of a marathon bathroom line.

- Remember what it felt like to write your first check... yeah... you're old.

- The benefit of being able to listen, is the gift of being able to relate.

- Wiffle ball is fun, I don't care how old you are.

- Knowing the song and knowing the words are two different things.

- I like a good e-mail chain.

- Is there anything more irritating than when your phone takes the correctly spelled word you wanted and autocorrects it to a completely different word?.... Of course there are things that are more irritating, but that shit is getting old!

- Cantaloupe is to fruit salad as my humor is to family dinners... overpowering and in poor taste.

- I haven't said sorry very much lately... not sure if thats a good or a bad thing.

- It seems to me that the promises I make to myself are the ones I break the easiest... but they also seem to become the most rewarding.


- This weekend I learned that even on the saddest of days, that there's nothing more beautiful than people coming together... even if it is to say goodbye.